Love: She's Come Undone

   We've examined that the word "Love" is not been used in song-writing these days.  We've consider this phenomena as more of a litmus test for the society at large; as it reflects where "we" are at socially.  Popular songs reflect popular sentiments of its' society at large mirroring where that society is going by words and ways.

   People don't seem to be into being considerate to others in the way we previously demonstrated; Our folks seem to more into their own personal needs than the needs of their children, the ones they care for, or others within the society in which they live and any other types of relationships; And this seems to be where the overall society is headed.

   When my persons was growing up, my mother's priority was to look after my brothers, sisters and my well-being.  She was at home most of the time, learning our ways and adjusting our souls for the world. . .  She was there for our main meals; my great aunt on our mother's side, as her assistant who watched us during school hours.  My father and mother had an understanding concerning most things, and that understanding was the values we were raised up with.

  We were surrounded by many of my maternal family values: Even though her mother had died at an early age; (my father lost both parents and was raised by his uncle), Ann still acquired those values.  Mother did most of the rearing: That's the way women did things in those days; concerning children.

  And when the children of my generation grew up—some of the daughters decided to do things differently from how their mothers did things; These women decided they were not going to do all those things they saw their mothers doing: Instituting change without reference, experience or proper know-how; Only sentiment. . .

CONVERSATION WITH JOYCE:

Joyce: "I'm 61!  And I still can beat quite a 

few 35 year olds in a 5K...

60 isn't what it used to be."

CBM: "People live longer, but there's less 

compassion and humanity, dear. 

Joyce: "Sad, but true."

CBM: "I know each generation thinks

they are an improvement over the

next, but millennials don't even listen

to analyze and assess a course of action

based on comparison and experience.

They want to be heard but don't care

to listen.  Scary.

Joyce: "Often true, but in my experiences

there are some amazing lights in the

darkness!"

CBM: "Elaborate..."

Joyce: "There are some great young

people out there advocating for others,

standing up for what's right and making

a difference.  Others have been poisoned

by the culture of self--time spent on device,

focus on "me," etc.  I hold busy parents

responsible for a share of what has

developed in that generation.

CBM: "Agreed.  There had been a time

among inner city Blacks where family, not 

individualism was prevalent.  The

collapse of relatives as day care providers

has its' part in the mix as well.

Joyce: "Exactly! Strong family ties across

all cultures have eroded--replaced with 

electronic babysitters and Lone Ranger

mentality.  Social connections aren't 

nurtured as they once were.

CBM: "Very astute."  

   Maybe it was because the work was too hard, or maybe it was because it required more sacrificing of your own personal ego for the sake of holding the family together--more than these new women were willing to surrender.  Or maybe they were just a little more selfish, wanted more freedom; or had other ideas to create something outside the realm of family lines for themselves.  I know that many of the lesbians in the feminist movement did, because they often expounded on it in the coffee house meetings at book stores. . .  

   Any way, the current state of affairs concerning woman and child are as a result of these ideas these new women have.

   Many of our fathers during that time followed the standards of mainstream society as their ways; in affect they tried to be hip and think like the crowd or majority of Whites.  Many times they were as chauvinistic as many of their White male counterparts in American society.  The mothers of our past, on a whole, were loyal and attentive to oft-times chauvinistic men.  These were the sort of men how were often abusive husbands as well; taking advantage of the support their wives gave them.  In many cases, it was quite an unequal affair.  Our mothers did this according to a standard of that day, which was designed to hold their families together.  There was enormous pressure from the society at large during those days--which acted sort of as a moral majority.

  The worst thing of that day, socially, was to have children were born out of "wedlock."  Less people lived together outside of marriage than they do today.  Women trusted in men more than they do today.  They trusted in a man's ability to make leadership decisions for the entire household; so imagine how it felt when a woman thought she had gallantry, only to see machismo in its place. . .  

   Many sons watched that type ignorance and arrogance crop up in their father's behavior and viewed such actions as adversed to proper family dynamics; many vowing never to behave in such fashion--almost to a fault--and in some cases causing role reversals in etiquette; often breaking many social norms passed down for generations.

   For example, when men wooed women, the male was brought to the home; allowing him to be examined both parents as to being an abled-body provider both as a husband and possible father of their daughter's children: But with all this women seeking and proposing to men, prevalent in today's society; other than male's ego being seduced--very little attention is focused on, by anybody on the male's side, on the woman-suitor's ability as mother and wive--oft-time with tragic results: Simply because the emphasis is on flattery, sexual allure (and getting fleeced). . .

  In the old days wives vowed to keep their husbands (so their children could have a working nuclear family), but some of the daughters of the on-coming generation (last of the baby boomers), did not like the type of arrangement and sacrifices their mother's lifestyle presented to them. Many of the sons vowed against ever being as abusive as their fathers were, and many of the daughters vowed they wouldn't be attentive as their mothers were concerning their husbands.  And obviously, the numbers were greater than we previously expected. . . Because today's generation social dynamics is centered around such notions, and the result of this is the narcissism we see in the world we have today. . . 

   My mother sacrificed a lot of her social life to carry out her duty on behalf of the family, which was to monitor her children's personal and inter-personal development; Taking great care to interact the with us--giving the greatest support as her children; including getting her father's sister to be our daycare provider.  We called her Big Mom; my grandfather's sister:  Mother infused her father's family legacy in our aspect of the family line, by getting Big Mom to care for us while our mother was at work.  Ain't that love?  
   The true education comes from what the family teaches you: The qualities, the values, the lessons in life, are all instilled from the family tree dynamics.  This insures that a Sense of Self survives while being in the outer or mainstream society.  School teaches a core curriculum of social skills necessary to function within society--reading, writing, arithmetics, social studies, etc--but your core values and Sense of Self should come from your family; your love ones. . .  Otherwise you'd be a drone.
   In the East, among the Hebri and Harbi [Hebrew and Arabs], the fathers school the youth in life lessons: Who best to educate you in knowledge, than the one who knows you, and who's sperm born you into physical existence?  The Harbi males often learn the Koran before 4 years old.  Every Hebri man's goal in life is to learn Torah and law like Musa/Moses did.  This is expected of them because the tribal rules are the family rules because all families can trace themselves back to two common ancestors. . .
   Experience is the best teacher; but who says it has to be your own toil and strife?  You can also learn from the experiences of your people.  You show me a wise man, and I'll show you a man who isn't telling the stories of what he did to be so wise. . .  They say you pay with your life for every law your break; but to become intimate with any quality, virtue or rule; you must spend some time engaging those aspects of life.  In this example, used my own kin; stories of my own flesh and blood, to impart their hard-earned wisdom to you. 

   Legacy is something handed down from one generation to the next.  A retiring company president might leave a legacy of honesty and integrity.  "Legacy" is a latin word; a Latin verb, legare "to appoint by a last will, an ambassador for the family."  This implies that we are all envoys for our families.  We learn our ways from them, we get our wit from them, and more importantly--we continue the legacy and/or accomplishments of ourselves as a family or us as a people; Love and respect for your family and for your people.  Heritage.  Character.  Dignity.

  Today's children are watched in child-care among a plethora of people as child care providers; bringing in various cultural and childrearing influences; some good and some bad. Many rich people hired Black nannies to mind their children, and many rich children will tell you that many of their values came from their nanny. . .  

   My mother was very protective of various outside social influences and foreign values corrupting the way her children viewed the world; whereas today's mothers may not have ever seek out relatives for child care. They see nothing wrong with imitating mainstream standards, mainstream's ways (whereas none of the ways originate from their own folks)--as though we and those of European descent think the same about life or about each other.  Everybody older knows that there's ways Blacks and Whites see each other, which will never be discussed among each other--but our children might though.  This is because many generation Blacks based their actions solely on how their White counterparts act and not society as a whole; only to find out that those who are in charge still operate with the same old school rules they refuse to listen to.  They refuse to go by our findings on how to survive in this White colonial world, because they feel they should at it on their own; since many have been on their own all their lives.  And like all these type of rituals— this practice leads to a definite fork in the road:

"Think, before it's too late

Is he what you need?  

I won't hold you back, if you must go

If he makes you complete, I won't try to compete

If this time you're sure you're  free to go

But girl before you leave

There's time to change your mind,

Change your mind

Think it over, Think it over,

You're at the point of no return

Oh oh

There aint no turning back. . . "

  --Point of No Return by the Stylistics 

   A little melodramatic, but it does make the point.  During my mother's time, America was segregated.  They had signs which signified where Blacks could and could not go; which indirectly told Blacks how the majority of White folks felt because--ipso facto--the government supported Segregation for a number of years.  

   During that time Blacks developed their own set of values; they had no choice, they were abandoned.  Then the sixties came in, and society did away with school  desegregation; after much protest from many Whites.  Now all of a sudden, "Mom Dukes" values are no longer adequate, and our children have adopted many of the vices and social diseases we've seen White children possessed when we grew up.  
   Our parents weren't as trusting of mainstream society as we were, because regardless of the "Dream" King had--our parents always remembered what they've done and could always fall back on the wit, experience and know-how learnt from living through the hellish hours of Segregation.  They were not as dependent on American society: For older Blacks--Whites had their ways and we had ours.  They did not trust White doctors like we do, they knew home remedies and such, and believed that Whites experimented on us to learn better remedies for themselves. . .         

   But most of all our parents scrutinized what they emulated or adopted from White society--whereas newer generations have lost this keen sense of discernment--because older Blacks didn't talk to much about those times, and now we are paying a pretty price for it.  As the Last Poets said, "Whitey is dying and his f'king ghost is killing us."  Not that he's the blame; ultimately we should have better judgment concerning our future we these same people.  I guess the protest in the sixties gave us the illusion of "Integration" for a long time--up until Rodney King, Trevon Martin, and Donald Trump's first year as president.   But after the sixties, we were already losing "the sense of we" that previous generations taught us. . .

Peace

C. Be'er la Hai-roi Myers