Well, How Did We

  Get Here?

Biologically, it took a sperm and an egg; But why were you screwing around to begin with?

   Well, let's start with the choice of words. . .  The second part is a pretty popular phraseology today, isn't it?  We all know what the words mean. . . Or do we?  Well, I'm sure we know what they imply; but do we really understand all the implications? 
   It maybe very popular, but I'm sure it did not originate from our ethnicity--but nonetheless, it implies a message we all believe we think we understand or, in other words, we think we know what these words imply.

   So why so heavy on the choice of words?  Because it is a choice, which means a conscious decision.  I chose to represent my considerations in this way; So what am I saying? What am I implying, and do you really know what I mean by my implications?  I know you may think you do--but let's look into it a little bit further. . .
   When I choose words, I make a choice amongst the many, many different ways I could express my ideas: Meaning, out of all the infinite possibilities--I chose these in particular.  These words, then, represent my considerations; they represent my ideas on the subject, and possibly a hint of philosophy or train of thought or two.  Of one of the greatest rights we have in life, is our freedom to choose--so let's learn to choose wisely, and exercise a  certain amount of determinedness in those choices.

   Many people say, Words have power; but I say there's power behind our words. . . And within that power lies, the concepts behind the words we chose, our level of commitment we have in saying such things or how much we believe in them, and all of that is expressed in the sentence we form: But in all cases, words are our means of expressing thoughts and concepts we have concerning things.

   So let's begin with: "Well how did we get here?"
With these words, we could be talking about the predicaments we find ourselves in within this place and time, or we could mean how we got here on earth: What I said is, "Biologically it took a sperm and egg."  This statement was to establish that regardless to what context sex is used, the primary purpose that sex was created is to procreate.  And this context, spit don't make babies--meaning, only the genes and chromosomes of both male AND female make offsprings. . .not arousal techniques, not male and male, nor female and female. . .  
   Folks from the alternative lifestyle community might say that love is love, but only heterosexually makes human beings--whether male or females; The rest is desires and idiosyncrasies that has nothing to do with reproduction, intimacy, or proper biology.  That is the main paradigm here: If self perseveration is the first law of nature (and it is)--then even sex drives outside of our urge to further the species--are variations AWAY from the primary theme of this act.  That is something to consider. . .

   Now we all have our reasons, and within our reasons are, the reasons for why we are in the situations we are in; However, the underlying significance of why you are in the predicament will never be known to you--if you don't take ownership of your acts involving such things.
   Now, I heard everything, from the devil made me do it or God is in control, to he or she made me do it--"But earthquakes are caused by the son of man experimenting with high explosives."  That means; it's all about, "What you allowed or what you don't do!"
  After all, that is the only thing you can control or change now, isn't it?  The rest is out of your grasp and quite frankly, something you will never do anything about--because in essence, what you are saying when you speak that way is that something has control OVER you; or it is something beyond your ability (which in most cases is an excuse).  I call this last episode, "The blame somebody else game. . ." 

If the kingdom of God is within you; then that means the kingdom of causality is also:  Which means, "If you don't like the effect, don't produce the cause!" 

   

   Now that we got that out of our system, we can move on. . .


   As Rufus Thomas says, "Second Spasm."  But why were you screwing around to begin with?
This part of our opening is full of innuendo.  Now anyone who has taken up residence in The States, for any length of time knows, the idiom called, "Screwing," is not an ethnic or ebonic word originating from Black people who live in America--yet this Blackman is using it, nonetheless. . .  This indeed, has its implications. . .

It's Only Words. . .

   The term "Screwing" is an idiom which is Western in nature:  The term has a couple of denotations, connotations and inferences.  These words have been frequently used among caucasians in Europe, as well as those the United States, and all over the globe; where the West has spread its' influence.  Now before I go into the meaning, I feel it prudent to mention these things:

Many, many times you may see a word--created in one country--appear within another

 (spelled the same way and have the same meaning) because the word is idiomatic; Meaning

there is no word in the other culture's language that can describe that meaning like this word can;

Not quite--thus the other country uses this term from another language. . . Like the word, "Minüte" 

from the French--which appears in English (derived from "minutus" in Latin).  The words means, 

"sort of small and intricate."  Now, the term appears in English and French, but the English 

are the ones who borrowed the term: This means the French experienced something that the 

Latins did (thus two different terms appear: "minüte" and "minutus") the Englishman did also.

However the English culture had no native word to describe this phenomena semantically

in their language, so they used the French term.  This means that the French culture 

coined the term because they were intimate with the experience, describing

it, using seminal units in their language; Whereas the English could not, because the

culture's seminal units, that was needed to create such a term, was missing in their language: 

Which implies--their culture had not evolved to that level of the experience to produce the units, 

whereas a term could be derived, so they borrow the from the term from the other culture.

   So what I am implying by using this term, "Screw," is that my folks don't have ebonic words (since we're using English) which even come close to describing what I see in America (nor do we make policy in mainstream culture), so I'm using the European term to describe the phenomena because the Western man seems to be more intimate with the subject and has coined a term for the phenomena.  
   At the same time, I am referencing only small portion of the total ideology behind the word; because this word has other innuendo that I am not accustomed with, nor have I fathomed; because I'm not "experienced enough with its' ins and outs."  I can't relate to that side of things: Because, as with so many other things in life in this country--how White people see things--is so different from how Blacks view things (even when we use the same words). . .

   We are two very different people, from two entirely different worlds.  We have two different ways of engaging and two different evolutions, and two different destinies.  And in many cases, we have two different objectives whenever we meet to resolve things. . . 
                                       

So Let's Get Down. . .

  So let's analyze this word, "Screwing."  Obviously, this verb has a root word: "Screw"--that is, a short, slender, sharp-pointed metal pin with a raised helical thread running around it, and a slotted head; used to join things together by rotating, so that it pierces the object: As a Slang, screwing is an act of sexual intercourse.  Adjectively: A screw is a sexual partner of a specified ability.  In the definitions associated with the word FUCK: which is usually vulgar: Screw is to deal with unfairly or harshly: to CHEAT: o express anger, contempt or disgust.  As a transitive verb: usually obscene: COPULATE; Akin to Dutch fokken, to breed (cattle), Swedish dialect fókka, to copulate.

  The word, "Screw," is used to bring things together through piercing or penetrating an object. . . But for which purpose? The definition does not express (other than to fasten). . .  Could this joining be bonding or animalistic lust?  Who knows?  Let's examine further.

   Screwing is defined in slang terms, as an act of sexual intercourse; then adjectively as a sexual partner of specified ability.  In vulgar (uncultured and unsophisticated) terms, "Fuck" is affiliated with screwing: And in that kind of sex, the nastier the better.  This is more about performance, than it is about being affectionate and caring. The more furious and feverious, the more it is enjoyed.  As a matter of fact, as previously said; "The act becomes on more important than the relationship itself"--driven by the loins, the urge and 'specified ability' of the players to 'put it on 'em.'  This is not about the relationship outside the bed, it's allure, 'bump and grind,' and "punishing that thang". . .not love and affection. . .just don't want to lose your 'love!'  
   Sex by definition is, "A biological function combined with a special psychological connection to bring us closer; The more we are together, the harder it will be to stop the progression: The encounters are a 'gravitational pull' based upon sexual desire--an admiration that encourages procreation." The connection--in its proper context--leads to not only mating but bonding (since humans are socially interactive); this type of behavior often leads to wanting to be together more, establish more of a relationship,  wanting family, and staying together. . .  

[Those who want to explore this things in a melodramatic fashion, should watch the "Star Trek Voyager Episode: The Disease," Season Five Ep. 16 for variations on a theme. . .]

   That type of behavior, its' progression, promotes wanting to do things for the benefit of a more enduring situation, warm feelings and security, and pleasurable episodes; because the primary design of sex is for procreation--but you can enjoy doing the intimacy: "So why are you still screwing around?" 

   Western culture throughout history has promote Eros (which is urge and desire) and not love.  This is encapsulated in screwing.  In Ancient Rome, soldiers as well as the common man often took women right in the alleyways and dark corners, like dogs in heat. The word expresses obscenity.  Obscene means, "Offensively disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency within society; offensive to the moral principles and values of others; repugnant."  This is why sexual harassment rules were created. . .  This word is also affiliated with the word fucking, an uncultured and unsophisticated term describing copulation or sexual breeding between animals in several European tongues. The term is used to also describe a certain type of intercourse between human beings within Western society:  This behavior represents a decline in society, rather than a means of securing better social relationships; it is simply crass behavior:

"Niggers fuck. Niggers fuck, fuck, fuck... Niggers love the word fuck

They think it's so fuckin' cute; They fuck you around...

The first thing they say when they're mad is: 'Fuck it'

You play a little too much with them...They say 'Fuck you'

When it's time to TCB

Niggers are somewhere fucking

Try to be nice to them, they fuck over you

Niggers don't realize while they doin' all this fucking...They're getting fucked around...

And when they do realize--it's too late... So niggers just get fucked up

Niggers talk about fucking: Fuckin' that, fuckin' this, fuckin' yours, fuckin' my sis

Not knowing what they're fucking for--

They ain't fucking for love and appreciation... Just fucking to be fucking..."

"Niggers are Scared of Revolution" by the Last Poets

Need I say more?

"I hear the music coming out of your rad-i-o. . .  
Are you there with another girl, instead of me?"

                                            --Dionne Warwick.

Love versus Getting your 'Rocks Off'. . .
   Now, we need to get a clear mental picture of what morality is, before we can truly examine what is meant by, "Offensive or disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency; repugnant."
   The root of the word morality is moral--where the word "mores" comes from.  To understand moral, you have to understand virtue.  Virtue is the useful quality of a thing; the desired effect for the proper usage: Virtue relates back to the reason a thing exists to begin with. Mores are the customs,  norms and behaviors that are acceptable to a society or social group. Mores are the morals of a group or society itself.  They are not necessarily based on written law and they can change. This is the evidence of Love in society, because the society is advocated for one common cause; this is what the society sees as right and shows the the progression and evolution of that society.
  The mores of the Victorian era in England prescribed modesty for women; but more importantly, the mores and evolution for White people are quite different from Blacks: Their morals are very, very different.  And that's ok, for as Bob Marley told us, "Every man's got the right to decide his own destiny."  They are writing their epitaph and we are writing ours.
   The moral of a story is the lesson that story teaches about how to behave in the world; conforming to standards of behavior and character based on those principles--more psychological rather than physical or tangible in effect (and in time you'll see the physical and tangible effects); like the ones we're seeing in today's society. . .based on their values (or lack thereof).  This represents their level of civilization.  A lot of you might exploit relaxed standards in Western society; But just remember: "Each cipher bears its' own justice."  Learn to remain in your lane. . .  Hold fast to your standards. . .  Concern yourself with correct, appropriate behavior; show you have refinement: Show you have class. . . 

   Obviously, there is a big difference between "screwing" and sex as in "making love," or getting your rocks off, 'sandblasting' and hammering as opposed to building serious relationships. Judging from definitions above, the nature of that screwing is not very intimate--but lustful, horny (based on arousal), animalistic and in some cases, lewd. On a scale of one to ten, it ranks very low on the scale of getting to know someone: Lust and desire has taken on a life of its own: Foreplay and sex is high on the list and who and what you are; your standards, values and expectations are almost non-existent.  And judging from the fact that European kings had lambskin contraceptives as early as medieval times--there seems proclivity in Western society to separate sex FROM procreation and intimacy; 'getting it on,' 'drilling,' and 'getting your rocks off,' is more important; as evidence by the plethora of 'Gentlemen clubs,' pleasure places and massage parlors in rich areas high rent districts . . .
   This society promotes an ego-centered creature of insatiable desire; not a creature who is aware all comes from one divine source or singularity, and thereby concern itself as to how it treats other beings.  This is a being where the act of sex is the main subject; and who and what is being done to or with is nothing more than intercourse's direct object--pawn, tool or slave--nothing more.  
This person is considered lustful and obscene because they are neither virtuous at heart, nor does this person value other people past anything which is to be consumed; like a greedy person who can never be satisfied by just one person: He or she is only concerned with having their way with you because they lust after or desire you.  
   As far as other persons are concerned--there is no getting to know the person from the conscious or intimate point of view; only trivial knowledge for sexy means of exploitation or carnal knowledge for their unfocused horniness.  The only thing that can be obtained from this encounter with this being is more pleasure seeking, hedonism and feverous pitches with more consuming of bodies--as one big bonfire; with no concern for persons or sensibilities past the act of using and usury.  This is not a high mode of functioning. . .even though they use the word "love" too sometimes. . .

"I don't want you to be no slave
I don't want you to work all day
I don't want you to be true
I just want to make love to you

I don't want you to wash my clothes
I don't want you to keep my home
I don't want your money too
I just want to make love to you

Well I can see by the way that you switch and walk
And I can tell by the way that you baby talk
And I know by the way that you treat your man
I want to love you baby, it's a cryin' shame

I don't want you to bake my bread
I don't want you to make my bed
I don't want you cause I'm sad and blue
I just want to make love to you"

"I Just Wanna Make Love To You" by Willie Dixon/Sung by Muddy Waters

    Everyone wants to be care for and needed; and if you are needed, you expect a certain amount of appreciation. . .  But the desire "to have," does not always translate into appreciation.  Sometimes that need to have, is because you're being craved, like it's something to devour. . .  And many people get the Love and desire or lust confused, and blame others for their errors in wittiness. . .  In this arena, gratification or lust becomes primary goal; and after greed sets in, one comes face-to-face with the desire of sex; as an addiction.  In this regard, this mindset makes pregnancy as an unwanted side effect and babies an unwanted product; as well as having a family a living hell (because its all about them). . .  Which is about right, or what is to be expected for this type of civilization.

But What Brought All of This About? 

  It is the Great Classic Western Civilization Battle: Love vs. Sexuality; Objectification vs. Appreciation; Love vs. Lust; Battle of the Sexes. . .  And these are all the Western battles that Black people became unwittingly sucked into, when Segregation was terminated and so-called Integration began.  It is Western society, which took a long time to allow women to own land and property.  In Victorian times, the husband controlled all the estate, not women.  This is the chief reason why a rich widow would frantically look for another husband after their love one passed away. . .  White society in America was very chauvinistic up until the 1960s came in.
   Along with the Civil Rights Movement, Black Power Movements, and Hippie Movements--there was the Sexual Revolution: Within the Sexual Revolution sprung Free Love, Women's Liberation/Feminist Movement etc, but this sprung from mainstream White society; based on their cultural development--not all societies in America as a whole.  White women were tired of being cooped-up in their homes, while their White men took care of them and gave them allowance.  They wanted independence and a say in affairs.
  In the 1950s, Blacks were subject to White rule in the "separate but equal" Segregated Era here in America.  We were (and are) subject to their American ideology.  During those times, we couldn't even sit in the front of the bus with White people, until after the mid 60s, when the Civil Rights Movement won that freedom for us. . .
It is a known fact that the majority of Black women in the United States were not sit at home women like many of the White women were; in most Black communities, Black women  went to work just like their men (most Black households could not survive off the single incomes Blacks made), while their sisters or a relative took care of the children.  That was the way I experienced it with my mother and my older siblings.  The issue that White women were protesting were all about them; it had nothing to do with Black women or the Black experience. . .
  
   The Feminist Movement of the sixties was mainly run by what we now know as lesbians (although we didn't know it at the time|no more than we knew that Freddie Mercury from Queen was gay during the 70s)--during the 60s a lot of homosexual, bisexual and lesbian affiliations were hidden or "in the closet."  
   Clearly today, we can see that the lesbian community was concealing their agenda by using valid women's issues to hide their intent behind, suggesting solutions that heterosexual women would not ever think of suggesting (because the postures would further alienate men from women).  Today, we can see that the so-called Feminist's solutions were solutions that women who wanted to be with men would not have suggested to implement (but it wasn't well thought out).  On these issues, the Blackwoman did not support the White Feminist Movement--and if you do your research extensively while focusing on the press in those days--you will see evidence of my statements in the press of the 1960s; because the White Feminist Movement was very vocal about this.

A Clash of Black & White Culture

   Although we say, 'West' we are speaking of practices and cultures which originate in "West Asia," as we now call it Europe. In this scenario, Africa is "Central Asia"--and Arabia is referred to as the 'Far-East' of Asia--these things were done to conceal the West's xenophobic approach concerning other cultures.  And though research was done on cultures around the globe during that era; it was not like this was being done to improve public relations--more like how an adversary studies its' prey [one only need to study social commentary of the 50s and early 60s in America and West Asia to bear my witness].
   For those who embrace Biblical teachings; they are transplanted wisdom for Western consumption, based upon Hebrew teachings from the far East; As with the Muslim teachings are from the wise Arabs of the Orient and the Kabbalistic Secret Society teachings are from Khamit [Kemet], East, West and south Central Asia; societies being studied by Masonic Halls of the Occident. . . And the way that the rich capitalist were treating countries around the world, economically and socially, was the impetus for their children to stage the Hippy Revolution against their rich parents. 

"I'm just a wandering on the face of this earth

Meeting so many people who are trying to be free

And while I'm traveling I hear so many words

Language barriers broken, now we've found the key

If you want this world of yours to turn about you

You can see exactly what to do, don't tell me...

I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band--

How can we understand
Riots by the people for the people
Who are only destroying themselves
And when you see a frightened
Person who is frightened by the
People who are scorching this earth, scorching this earth..."

Excerpts from

"I'm Just a Singer (In a Rock and Roll Band)" by The Moody Blues

   This is precisely what happened in the 60s and still is an issue today: On a global scale, there are riots raged against the industrial machine of the West, by the other indigenous cultures belonging the rest of the world.  Because the Western way has been destructing other countries, through political intrigue, for the purpose of consumption of natural resources of the encountered countries; while that the West may live a luxurious lifes splurging with greed, and using other peoples like pawns--not caring about anyone--not even their wives.  Because of xenophobic nature of the West, they would rather exercise control rather than diplomacy. . .

   The issue with our people who live in the wilderness of North America, has to do with the Western Global influence overtop of our own species' perspective--due to the cross-pollination of cultural ideas, in an overbearing fashion. . . It doesn't help that this pollination has to do with a culture who's responsible for our lost of our original culture and heritage:  
It is European and American xenophobic overtones, embedded an evidenced in Western culture, which discourages outer influences of Central and East Asia; while it vainly exerts itself as the only way to do things and attempts to control other ways of life.  But those messages is for White people to tune in, assume the posture, and to attempt exercising this will on others; not Black people (who used to be the unpaid help) but we think we are just as American as the White man. Our problem is we kept including ourselves in their narratives as though they were our own (and we shouldn't because we were victimized by the same sort of mentality).

Aliases. . .

   The so called Battle of the Sexes that White folks claim is happening here, has been happening among Whites in Europe and the West, for thousands of years--because of their megalomaniac struggles--which has trickled down to struggles in their own households between White men and White women.  Our problem is, unwittingly, some of us have included ourselves in their narrative and waged the same cultural wars where our women are battling us as though we are their enemy (themes some Blackwomen emulate from being in close proximity to Whites in the workplace).  Adapting the Western way of thought, approach, analyses, and demeanor which then brings about similar struggles in the Black family structure (due to those beliefs); terminating in the sacrifice of our children's emotional stability, while many mothers go back to school to seek higher paying jobs; which allows them to seek more things: Which then allows them to think themselves as more successful (according to this matrix), gaining more power and responsibility in the workplace and indirect autonomy which pushes them further and further away from their homes and their own children.  I'm sure both can be done, but they are following the Western model and riding solo with single aspirations, while in a couples environment.  I know work can be hell, but because we don't delineate properly--we often bring that hell to our homes. . .

  No wonder so many people get hurt in the wake!  A person who's looking for someone who appreciates, cares, or even loves them, can easily find themselves confusing the attention they're getting from some unscrupulous character lurking in 'sheep's clothing,' as real concerns about her desires, well being, and wanting to know "him or her," and not just their flesh or how it feels, and gets all jumbled up with the ulterior motives. . .

   But in that regard, it is the American culture itself, which is cultivating mixed signals, due to inherent contradictory natures within the system!  For example: To look attractive and appealing, society pushes sexiness overtop of dapper, debonair, elegant, snazzy and dashing. The design allures originate from the "hard sell"--which is cultivated to corner the sale in a capitalistic society--so love and 'hooking' in Western society can look awfully similar: Because Sex sells in America. Everything starts and ends with sex and appeal; But this often gets jumbled up and confused with being loved and needed--cherished or being the apple in one's eyes. . . And many have gotten (and issued out) wrong reads, broken plays, and countless wounded as a result of this "Western education."


What a Mess We've Made!

   All the abuse in relationships have taken its' toll over the years (chauvinism/broken hearts/refusal to play the motherly role/insensitivity), has caused a break down in structure of households, the nuclear family, and how man/woman relationships are played out in general: So much so, that today people are taking sex á La carte and foregoing serious relationships all together.  It has, in many cases, become a parasitical, get them before they get you, dog-eat-dog venture.

   But we have the power to change this narrative for our own people.  We are the underdog in American society, so no one in mainstream America wants to listen to what the underprivileged has to say--and if they do, they will not be willing to give up what it takes in order to make it happen.             We live in North America and were stripped of Central Asian and Eastern Philosophy/ideology, as a result of it--yet we imitate Western philosophy/ideology as if it was our own!  
But it is not, it is the culture and destiny of White people that originate from West Asia (which has enslave the rest of the globe under White Supremacy).  It is the European/American xenophobic overtones which is embedded throughout Western culture, that discourages any influences that Central and East Asia can make towards the American story; as it writes its' own narrative, destiny and demise. . .  But the American Experience is designed for THEIR people and not Black people--"We haven't done nothing."[Stevie Wonder] Our problem is we keep including ourselves in their narratives as though it is our own; and that could be our demise.

   "Every man has the right to decide his own destiny" [Bob Marley].

       And if this is their right, then so be it--we just need not get confused 

And mix our destiny with theirs. 

   Current events, the generation gap between X and Y, and the continued lack of success within man, woman relationships has got our people grasping at straws; but one thing remain consistent: We all want respect, we all want to be heard, we all want to be recognized and we all want to be appreciated.  Let's start there.  The late, great Aretha Franklin once said, "If you want a do-right-all-day woman, you got to be a do-right-all night man."  I dig the scenario. . .but the paradigm is a standard, "Do unto others as you would have people do unto you"--otherwise known as, "Treat People How You Want To Be Treated," storyline.  You want Respect, respect others.  Respect others space; stay in your lane and when you change, put on your signals. . .That way it shows you know rules and you don't want accidents. It indicates that you know you live in a world with others and that their needs are just as important as yours.  It also shows you care about what happens next.  
Next is often based upon what happen before; and you can't know where you are going if you don't know where you've been.  Those who don't know the past are doomed to repeat it--or worse, get ambushed by the same foolishness.

   Most of us are not clairvoyant--we learn from experiences; But it isn't necessary for everyone to learn to invent planes, for us to take flight like the Right Brothers. . . We can all benefit from the chronology, experience and the expertise of others. . .  When you study any area of expertise, you go over the history or chronological progression of that field: 
"Learn from the mistake of others, you won't live long enough to make them all yourself"--Mark Twain.  

  Oft times, you don't listen to your parents, because you don't like their style, but the principles they use may still apply (you just haven't pushed past the differences); even though the application may be different, so it can still be of use to you.  Sometimes to find a certain something is, you'll have to find out what it is not--every step in that regard, is a step in the right direction.
   The way of the world today, has taught us how to disrespect, call people and things old and out of date; yet when we were young we had to rely on those same things and those people: They had to take care of us when we were babies--from the nipple to the bottle, to food, clothing and shelter; we relied on our parents. . .  Do you they would be up for assisting you in your next endeavor, after so much them so much disrespect?  Think about it.  
   Man is a social creature--which means you're going to need somebody. . . If you want to have someone you can rely on, you're going to have to foster and cultivate that relationship.   Remember the above poem from the Last Poets?  If you screw around with folks, you'll get screwed around--then it'll be F'd up all the way around; because you "burn't all your bridges."  Take care of your relationships with others; take the time to cultivate and invest in your partnerships on all levels.  "The richest man is the one with the most influential friends"--Words from the Godfather.

Getting Back To Business:

Attributes of Love

   I'm not going to kid you, it's hard work.  But you are going to need people to cooperate with you.  That means both people are going to have to feel good about the relationship; if both are to consider it paramount to maintain it must be reliable, dependable and reciprocal.  

   Western society is trending away from the word love, but you had and have to depend on others; making those two perspectives in opposition.  You need money, but you aren't reliable or dependable at the workplace--that relationship will be short lived: If you want; then you need.  You use the partner you're with for sex, but past sex, you know little about the character of the other person: In a lot of cases, besides screwing you have nothing in common.  That is a low relationship.  In order to move higher than instinctual urges and esteem triumphs--you have to know the character, value and standards of a person; in order to truly be pleasing and build an enduring relationship.  

   Solo artists and single agents have no 'pull' in society because they don't do things to maintain their relationships: If they do, they don't do the kind of things that matures grow into bigger and better relationships.  In order to do that, not only do you need skills and qualities in these areas--but the people you build these relationships with, must have desirable skills and qualities, as well.  If you are investing all your time and energy into psychological and emotionally handicapped people, you might as well be standing in quicksand, because you are going down. . .  
   In personal relationships, you need more than cash, sex and fluff; otherwise you're just using each other as sex objects or for the sex.  In this regard, Children are born by accident.  The parents don't live in the same household.  They don't work together.  Children born of accidents, never experience proper family dynamics; and family is how people recognize and realize their greatest potential.  Even when you have bad eggs in the family--that shows the others what not to do with the genetics provided to them; and it shows the family what will happen if their assets are not used properly.

  Children are your offspring and your prodigy.  They are born from you and your partner's genes and chromosomes; They extend from you and the lines of your ancestors on both sides of the equation, and like cream; the best ingredients rise to the top.  In my culture, based on how I was cultivated, I know I am not a 'self-made-man' or single agent; because my human form is composed from two tribes or families, and their lines is where I got my characteristics (genes) honed in the company of my brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles--I learned and cultivated how to use them through interaction.  Then, when I grew up and was ready for the world, I searched for those who had similar or kindred characteristics and formed my universal family; based on a network of camaraderie of those advocated for the same (or kindred) causes.
   I live in a community of such people, and belong to a society which fosters humanity and civilization.  Thus, this is the reason I write.  I know I don't exist alone solely, I live in a world: And that world is composed of families and make-shift associations; some of which partner and form communities; which then, form societies--which may even grow to become nations. . .  I know man cannot exist by himself, because he relies on an environment for sustenance; even when he is alone.  
  Western society may have gotten you gassed up and told you, You are independent--but if you are independent--then stop breathing; because you depend on flowers and trees for that: Stop eating, because you rely on the earth, minerals, vegetables and animals for that.  Could you change your own diaper when you were young; clear out your nostrils or provide milk for yourself?  How foolish is it to believe that you are self-made and you need no one. . . What you are is ungrateful.

   First of all, you must care; if you don't care--you can't get anywhere.  If you  don't care--how can you be considerate?  If you don't consider, how do I know what I mean to you?  How can I take you into account, when you have nothing you value or appreciate?  Care is the first attribute of love.  As Smokey Robinson so eloquently put it: If you can want, you can need; you can care: If you can care, you can love.
   Most folks think that Hate is the opposite of love; but it is not: In love and hate, you still care; you still concern yourself.  The antithesis of love is indifference; for that is a lack of concern or care.  Hatred is caused by what you don't understand; making it hard to relate to.  If something concerns you, then you can take things into consideration; If you don't care--you won't do anything for or about it...because you believe it doesn't concern you.  This relates love to esteem.  Esteem is the bridge between care and respect.  Esteem is all about respect and admiration; respect is a high regard and concern for something or someone.  Of all respect, you must first have Self-respect.  When you have high Self-esteem, you have high regard and respect for your self;  When you have respect for others, you won't treat them in a haphazard or careless way, because you have an appreciation for them; they matter to you and how you affect them matters to you. . .

   I know I don't know everything, so I ask questions and share what I know with others; assessing the benefit the other's awareness and experiences might be for me: But first I have to respect their ways; character, demeanor, and accomplishments in life as a person: Which means I care and appreciate them.  I understand the value of having them here with me. Then I can assess your input as a person; then I can place the proper appreciation, recognition, and value concerning your impact in my life.  
  This will teach me more about them; which will endear them to me--as I will be affectionate towards them.  They are not an object to me, they are someone I care, respect and appreciate: They mean a lot to me.  The more I share ideas, the more I can appreciate--not only where they are coming from--but their significance for being in my life; and if sexuality develops from this, that sexually will only form the most intimate of bonds. . .maybe even inseparable.  But if I am just using them, then care gets in the way.  When a person is just using you--they can't be too concern with your hurt; their wants and feelings come first.    But when you care, have respect and appreciation for someone; they are attractive to you and you are affectionate to them.  If sex occurs, it is intimate and if children occur, they are cherished and the children feel wanted (because they are treated with high regard).

Awake, Aftermath, Wake and Finale. . .
    In a civil environment, there is a lot of sharing going on; exchange of ideas, group participation and valued input.  Sharing or learning to give; especially of your self is high science and a high level of elevation. Some children come in the world motivated, but most children have to be taught to share.  A child does not grow up to be an adult on its own; ego-centered behavior and immaturity must be driven out by the parents rearing.  This happens when there is love in the home and parents concern themselves with  family issues above single concerns.  But in order to do so, there must be a certain level of awareness; common among both parents. . .   
   So what happens when you are not born in such environments?  Well, we know that America has not been a user friendly environment for Black people: It is the number one cause of alcoholism amongst Native Americans.  There is a huge Self-esteem issue created among Native Americans by the treatment of mainstream American society.  So we can imagine, if you don't get love at home, it is bound to cause psychological and dysfunctional issues for children--as does families that break up.  It cushions it, if the two parents act as adults and are civil to each other in front of the children. . .but that rarely happens in Black couples now-a-days. . .
   So, because of the parents inability to reconcile differences; because of the society's inability to put the proper social pressure on its constituents; because of misguided notions concerning being single and relationships--many children have no idea of how a real family or relationship functions.  And, as said before, true love is a level of high elevation; many times not shared by everyone.  There are plenty of adults who never had the child driven out of them, so they look like responsible people but they are really immature.  When people are physically wounded, such as a broken arm or such--you can give them the proper consideration and attention.  When a person is angry, you can avoid confrontations when you see the signs. But it is not so easy when people don't love themselves, have grown up in dysfunctional environments, psychically immature or are psychologically wounded or mentally ill; especially if the mental illness is high-functioning mental illness. . .
    In order for any of this repair to work, both parties will have to want it, be of sound state of mind and be reasonable people.  If you have been open-minded and considerate while reading this, you can clearly see that these concepts shared about love, shows that reinstating these concepts into your life will improve you life.  Understanding the architecture, nomenclature, and associated words and meaning behind words affiliated with love; you can clearly to see that, "Love is the answer"--but both parties must be willing, circumspect and most of all rational in their state of being.  
   All I can say is, no one can give what they don't have.  Do not attempt to put anything thing within someone that doesn't show an inkling that it is there.  People will never change what they are not aware of.  And if you listen very closely when one speaks, in time they will tell or indicate what their ingredients are.  
   Learn to develop your analytical skills when choosing a mate; Content with form equals Beauty--not the other way around.  Don't go for the pretty package--life consists of a grand array of lifeless packagings with very few Precious Jewels.  Everyone is not what they seem--there are plenty of walking wounded among us.  
   People often find themselves fixated to notions they have constructed concerning life, and therefore often resistant to any outer input.  Therefore, underlying significance of why a person is in their predicament will never be known the person--that doesn't take ownership of their participation in their predicaments.  People will never see the light, if they consistently blame others for their errors! A Positive Education Always Corrects Ones Errors.  If the kingdom of God is within; so is culpability.
   In Western civilization, we are not taught that we are part of a whole, so your attempts to reconcile your relationship maybe misconstrued as trying to change them; to make them over.  Love is a high level of understanding.  My advice in this instance, is to only negotiate with willing participants; people who are reasonable and can see the feasibility of this endeavor and will give all they have in order to achieve it. . .  Otherwise, they will never be grateful of your help.  If it don't fit, don't force it. . .  You should never force anyone to do anything; even if it's the right thing.  Be peaceful, beloved.  Love, Peace and Happiness is the key.

ONE ONLY LEARNS WHAT ONE TEACHES SELF. . .




 Peace

C. Be'er la Hai-roi Myers